Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Being in the middle of a cross fire
*** note the picture above courtesy of Mr Tim Burton, is how my inner anger looks like***
Today...aw good ol' windy Tuesday. Tuesday the day I take my son to swim class, the day a family member shows up to help cheer the lad on while he cautiously bobs his head under water and gets in and out of the pool only because he thinks it will swallow him up, thanks to his last weeks instructor who didn't listen to him when he said he "COULDN'T" swim. You can guess what happened from there, but mommy was there to rescue even with her own fear of water sheltered behind the super mommy hero moment.
To get to the point I am very BLAH at this moment when I talk about the battle between my mom and her mom. These two have not spoke to one another since 1999 I would say....or 2000 but now it is 2010 and you could imagine how hard getting family functions together is now. No one wants to communicate with anyone and others have a set way of how THEY think the holidays should go and won't even budge from the tradition and actually open up to the new members of the current family, married in or not.
So as all this has transpired over the years I have always been the one pulled in the direction of guilt and manipulation in a bland way, whether they think they are doing it or not it still happens and then once I choose which house I will go to for a holiday and bring my son, then the other side of this dispute ends up giving me a guilt trip in their own kind of way and let me just say this " I am not a puppet or an easy girl to manipulate and I will stand my ground with what is the best positive energy to have around my son" so saying that I have started to come up with ideas for those holidays...which I will address later. But for now its the swim family duel and I am here to share the strength of my facts.
1) I will be finding out who is coming to the swim each week as if I have a sign up sheet or something.
2) I then will not let the other know so and so is attending so that I do not have to hear the wrath or venting of the other distressed party...or both.
3) the seating arrangement is the one thing I felt as "being in the middle of the crossfire" so to fix this I will arrange an area where I will sit as I please ALONE watching my son, while to battled family members sit anywhere they please and can look as pissy as they like with out that energy zooming into my direction or my sons.
4) the most important one! No one will get to talk to my son in advance and make FALSE promises that they will be attending his activity and then later bail on him last minute once they find out the war ground has the other opponent glaring and mean mugging at their little green swim visitor post. That's my sons FUN after school activity and that's just what it is supposed to be....FUN not grungy or negative.
So to conclude my bit of a rant, I have to say being involved in a stubborn bull headed egotistical family war is just that...a war and the only way to not get in between it is to focus on the rules you set for yourself as boundaries for you and yours.
Ugggggggg families are to dramatic....I hate soap opera's for this very reason!
Loves and kisses,