A tomb in her womb

***Note to reader: I am aware my blogs have been a bit dark and possibly irritatingly rant but just bare with me and hold on to your happy pants because mine are in the dryer.....lol****

I swam in your womb
Even though it was a vacant tomb
You never planned for my room or board
You still didn't think of the possibility of me the fetus
Before or after you opened your legs to be whored

At 6 months I was shoved in your space
No bigger then your face
You were still wearing a size 4
Sharing with your unborn your white candy
Thinning me close enough to waste
The possibility of loss....
Just in case

Buttons started busting from your acid wash jeans
Friends and family started wondering "What does this mean?"
Your belly round
Your body still thin
Your face more gaunt
You put on your first maternity dress and announced
"I'm pregnant, I guess I forgot!"

Everyone said "You have such a glow"
You put on a fake smile
You put on a good show
But deep inside my cord and your mind
was filled with snow

She was lost in the remorse and pain
Her only trait
Her only ambition set on sniper aim
Was manipulating the close ones for all her personal gain

They loved her and bowed at her feet
The future never warned them
Never gave then a hint
Later on down the road it would be their friendship dead
Lien dead on the street

She sucked them dry
Wrote them cowardly letters goodbye
Smiling and assuming
With a smirk she said "Over me they will cry"

I sat in the dark wanting my mom
Wanting to connect as we did in the womb
Her cord attached to me
As I was transforming to bloom
But as I entered the flood of light
Instantly the cord was cut
Like a blood supply tube
Detached and removed

The doctor wore his glove
Reached around somewhere then and took half of our love
I felt it snatched from me
Like when our mother earth looses a tree

Now I've watched the love drift away so distant
My heart is so dark
My body so cut and scarred
I'm not sure if I even miss it
I don't know how or when she lost the rest of it
But I feel its gone
All I know is where it's hiding is far from here
It could be right around the corner
or I could be wrong..........

©Pandora Renea 2010

The Hawk and the Mouse

Surrounded by thorns and branches she couldn’t get around, even with a machete. One was to run through the overgrowth scrapping and pricking her body as if she was using it to read the branches and thorns by brail. Stopping to look at where the path had brought her, she noticed a mouse nibbling on a shell of some kind 2 inches away from her boot. Watching its tiny nose move vigorously while it snacked and every few moments held the parcel tight and glanced around in a paranoid fashion. She leaned closer to touch the miniature creature, so fast and yet so untrusting, but curious as much as she was.

Closer she leaned, arms and fingers outstretched. She leaned till her toes felt the pull all the way up her shin. Right as her fingers inched towards the mouse’s nose the mouse was gone. In a blink of an eye she looked around nervously holding the half chewed nut in her hand, looking for the creature so small. She looked up and that is when she saw it. A huge hawk had swept down faster than the mind’s eye could even comprehend and taken the mouse with him high in the sky. Not as a ride to sore and look for more parcels but to be today’s snack or dinner. Nothing was the same, not even the mouse or the thorns surrounding her. The bushes opened up exposing a cliff, below that cliff was more thorns and dead branches, where someone would never be found if dropped. Just then she heard the hawk soreing above announcing his mouse trophy and just like that he dropped him down into the thorns, not eating him nor savoring him, but sacrificing him.

She closed her eyes and Jumped off the cliff, soreing like the hawk with wind in her hair, sacrificing her body to the thorns like the mouse, she soon would be engulfed in bloody thorns holding her up like a delicate display twisted around her body. The breeze, the smells, the fast rush in her ears, the thoughts and memories rushing through her head, the dreams flashing like a bad movie—then the black, the silence of black.


Short story by Pandora Renea AKA Darah FitzGerald !!!!COPYRIGHT!!!!

Q: What do you take from this story?

People with abusive lifestyles piss me off!

What is with these people who scare the crap out of thier loved ones by being so stubborn and verbally abusive or physically abusive? These assholes keep on acting out with rash crazy behavior and then those loved ones turn timid and walk on eggshells around them. I hate it! Its not my cup of tea.

There is an individual I am highly looking down upon and this blog is about them. I am not stateing any names due to how these things lead to life drama and I don't need that. I got enough as it is! Manipulation is one thing I hate in these abusive people and they all seem to share this trait, some worse then others. This ass can scream and yell and punch holes in his walls and trash thier own home while treating the people around to help calm the issue like walking shit bags and not feel a day of single guilt. If they do apologize its weeks later and its a lame ass sympathy apology and then a "hey can you do this for me because I am so depressed right now?" Then the loved one ends up doing what they need because A) they fell for the lame apology yet again and think they are a changed individual over night B) They are hoping for a change C) they are to scared to say no in the first place due to other days of saying no and getting the guilt trip, there for getting verbally thrashed.

I hate watching this happen and being the one to say No! Don't fall for it! Don't answer your phone or text! Let the grown up GROW UP! You can't change them! They only want you to argue with them! Don't look at the messages and feel bad its not your fault! I just have watched this go on for to long and watched how much these people I care about get hurt every single time. I know they love them but sometimes you just can't do anything else to help them. They are grown adults that have made thier own choices and treat the people they know who care about them like a couple of rugs and that is no way to treat your loved ones. But they will continue if you constantly give in and let them treat you this way. I can't express this lesson enough.

I know this blog is completely a rant and rave. Yes that is exactly what it is because I have yelled about it long enough and needed to type till my fingers bleed.

Let me know if you have any feed back, I'd love to hear other stories and advice for these people I so dearly care about with foot prints on thier backs.

Cursed and Weights on my chest

Gulping for air
You choke me half way there

I open my mouth to breath
But my vocal chords you squeeze

Barely can I scream
Is this haze a dream?

Black and blue eyes
Hands behind my back tied

Blood fills up my lung
Causeing me to bite in half my own tongue

How dare you touch me so harsh
Infront of my son
Piercing his innocent eyes
With what could of been my demise

With evil and fear
The high pitch screams echoing in his ear

How dare you apologize for turning me blue
Did you really think after that I'd still stay with you?

You tore at my body
Like you were digging up dirt
Open wounds and flesh
makeing me hurt

All this in the first five minutes or so
What happened those 3 hours after?
I will never know

My mind filtered out the worst
But my pain is so little compared to how much your life will forever be CURSED!

COPYWRITE: Pandora Renea FitzGerald