Sunday, December 19, 2010

A night before the full moon of babel

I am sad
I am weak
I have barbells holding down my feet
I have words
I have lies
I have my hands behind my back in zip ties
I have a gift
I can sing
I am talent still trying to make the door bell ring
I am nice
I am sweet
I have a problem with how much I eat
I am short
I am pale
I have pipes which I have been told can "wail"
I have had men
I have had woman
I have had em all but can not win em
I am creative
I am strong
I have over used the phrase "whats wrong"
I am hurt
I am torn
I was delighted and proud when my son was born
I am kind
I am weird
I do not date men with a beard
I like oysters
I like crab
I know you think this poem in drab
I like to write
I like to ramble
I am done with this poetic babel......

What I was thinking....well here it is, nothing in particular.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The pack takes on the past......

Have you ever had a horrible fall out with a friend in the past and then they tried to place themselves back in your life some odd years later? It's like putting the trash out one day and several years later the trash man comes back and throws it at your door for no apparent reason and now you gotta clean up all that nasty ass trash from ages ago. Yes I know, what an odd way to put it, but I just feel the past was labeled as the past for a reason.

So here is the scoop on my mind. Ten years ago when I was young and angry at anyone who did me or my loved ones wrong and thought violence was a great way to fix a stupid situation, came across just that, a stupid situation. Let me tell you a little story about a girl, her douche bag man, a so called friend, the real friends and a Jack n' the box ass beating.***ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR IDENTITY REASONS***

One fine night while hanging with the girls, Sarah was having something all smart woman have called "intuition" and decided to announce it. "Damn I can't stop thinking like something is wrong in my life or someone is doing me wrong" and at the very moment Kelly jumped up and yelled " OKAY! I can't handle it anymore, Cathy has been talking to your man behind your back and trying to get people to have a threesome with him and her!!!" Sarah, heated with rage, flew off the couch "where is that Bitch?" Kelly told her that she was at Kara's house two towns over and that she was expecting Kelly to come pick her up on her way back home. Sarah had different plan in mind. Something Cathy wasn't expecting, or was she?

All four girls hoped into Sarah's Honda, Sarah the driver, Kelly as passenger, Mary and Shanna in the back seat, all anticipating what might happen. Speeding down the highway, Kelly told Sarah everything she had confessed to her by Cathy and how its been eating at her for a week now since she knows it was wrong of Cathy and she felt so bad for Sarah. The car vibe was filled with screams, cuss words mama wouldn't approve of and so much angry estrogen that a pharmacy could bottle up and sell as a years worth of birth control pills.

Finally they all arrived at Kara's and Sarah advised Kelly to get into the back seat so Cathy could have passenger, which was a seat Cathy never got due to her slow reaction when everyone yelled "shotgun". As Cathy came out of Kara's house cheery and happy to see everyone there to pick her up, she happily walked to the back of the car to get in until Sarah rolled her window down and so calm and peacefully said " Cathy its your lucky day, you get shotgun." Immediately Cathy looked shocked "Are you sure?" She asked with a quiver in her voice. "Ya I am sure, get on in girl." Cathy walked around the car with a worried look on her face as Sarah rolled her window up and everyone started whispering all the "oh shits" they could before Cathy got into the car.

Cathy was in the car not even five minutes before the doors where locked and she opened her dumb mouth and said " Its nice to see you Sarah, I am so ha..." BANG! Sarah shoved her head against the passenger window and let the words fly. "Why the hell are you messing with my man behind my back? I had a feeling someone around here was shady and I damn well knew he was but to have my own friend BEHIND my back trying to put together friendly fuck parties, IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!" Sarah didn't drive towards home, she drove further away from home because even she was being rash and didn't have a clue as to where the evening was taking them all.

Thirty-five minutes of yelling and slapping continued in the Honda, while Cathy sobbed and screamed how sorry she was and how she didn't have any sort of explanation for any of this. "Is this how you treat friends? Is it BITCH??" Sarah screamed at Cathy for the hundredth time followed by a good smack yet again to the face and a smash against the window. Cathy then decided her sobs were not enough and her true idiocy came out "If you would just take care of your man..." BAM! Sarah had slammed on the breaks at the major intersection and slapped Cathy so hard her own hand stung. Just as her rage fired up more Cathy took the time to jump out of the car and run out into the intersection and over to the Jack N' the box. All the girls irrupted in "hell No's" as Sarah whipped into the fast food joint right into a parking spot. She yanked the keys out of the ignition and told the girls to just hold on a second. Slamming the car door she could still hear the girls commotion from outside the car. Cathy didn't think she was safe here did she, thought Sarah? Cathy was in for yet another pissed off friend surprise.

Sarah stormed into the food chain and looked around, she knew she wouldn't just be sitting in the dining area, no way, she was hiding like the coward she was. In the bathroom is where Sarah found her, sobbing and screaming "leave me alone" from inside a locked stall. Sarah wasn't a bit turned around by her cries for "alone time" this was just the right words to instigate her flames a bit higher.

Jumping over the neighboring stall into Cathy's stall of terror, Sarah got right into Cathy's face and gave a few more words of choice and then threw her against the wall to tell her nose to nose "I wouldn't have known you were such a cunt if it wasn't for the loyalty of Kelly and her right mind to tell me about your shit!" Cathy became cocky one more time by opening her mouth to say " Kelly was supposed to be my friend, how dumb of her to tell you!" Sarah knew this would tick off Kelly and the rest of the Vagina squad, so she pushed Cathy to the floor "Tell Kelly that to her face." Running back to the car ignoring what the Cashier was saying behind her, Sarah opened the car door letting Kelly and the others in on what just happened. Kelly raged and ready to get off her chest what had been eating at her, jumped out of the car and everyone followed her back inside to find Cathy still in her locked tear flowing stall.

All Four girls jumped into the stall and gave her the full blown reaming they all thought she deserved. Kelly the most furious at this point, Sarah holding Cathy against the stalls stinky toilet, Shanna yelling "hit her, HIT HER" and Mary throwing in a few snobby remarks just to make sure Cathy knew she was displeased as well, yet not the angry type.

Slapped, shoved, degraded, cussed out, bullied, physically and internally injured Cathy sprawled across the stalls dirty floor. All four girls took one last look at her, dusted off their palms, unlocked the stall and walked out, one by one. Sarah in the lead, Kelly and Shanna right behind, Mary at the tail end. Just as they were about to walk out the door the cashier came flying into the bathroom "Someone has called the cops on you girls, you better get out of here!" Just then Mary turned to Cathy and said " You belong in this toilet like the living piece of shit you are!"

Calmly they all walked back to the Honda with a different look on their faces, a look of release, a look of loyalty to one another, a look of defeat. They all knew each other too well and that the weak link to the pack had been bleed out like a forgotten menstrual cycle.


Wrote by Pandora Inspired by past true events....10 years ago.

*Just a hint: Pandora's name in this story is "Sarah"*

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Under a spell

Tight leather corset
Choking my skin
I can't see where the laces end
or where do they begin

Lace crotchless nylons
ripped by teeth around my thighs
Torn to shreds
but still clinging wet to my body
to my suprise

I will boil my red fuck me heels
till they turn to white
Maybe they will go with my next naughty outfit...
Tomorrow night..

Let him pull my hair
and touch me here and there
Or chain him to the metal posts
and whip him with my hair

I won't even check the time
or take the steaming and screaming tea pot off the stove
I may just let it screach till hours late
so the steam stops
and I let the water evaporate

Dusting off my seductive words
and reaching for the sage
I know tonights fun torture
will mold him into my silk sheet slave

How beautiful sex is, in candle light orange and red
You flicker like a picture show
Not on a big screen, but danceing in my bed

So who will you be tonight
and who am I as well
Sweet salty kisses and Your body under my spell
MUAH ****

Wrote by me: Pandora Renea *COPYRIGHT*

Friday, May 28, 2010

A tomb in her womb

***Note to reader: I am aware my blogs have been a bit dark and possibly irritatingly rant but just bare with me and hold on to your happy pants because mine are in the****

I swam in your womb
Even though it was a vacant tomb
You never planned for my room or board
You still didn't think of the possibility of me the fetus
Before or after you opened your legs to be whored

At 6 months I was shoved in your space
No bigger then your face
You were still wearing a size 4
Sharing with your unborn your white candy
Thinning me close enough to waste
The possibility of loss....
Just in case

Buttons started busting from your acid wash jeans
Friends and family started wondering "What does this mean?"
Your belly round
Your body still thin
Your face more gaunt
You put on your first maternity dress and announced
"I'm pregnant, I guess I forgot!"

Everyone said "You have such a glow"
You put on a fake smile
You put on a good show
But deep inside my cord and your mind
was filled with snow

She was lost in the remorse and pain
Her only trait
Her only ambition set on sniper aim
Was manipulating the close ones for all her personal gain

They loved her and bowed at her feet
The future never warned them
Never gave then a hint
Later on down the road it would be their friendship dead
Lien dead on the street

She sucked them dry
Wrote them cowardly letters goodbye
Smiling and assuming
With a smirk she said "Over me they will cry"

I sat in the dark wanting my mom
Wanting to connect as we did in the womb
Her cord attached to me
As I was transforming to bloom
But as I entered the flood of light
Instantly the cord was cut
Like a blood supply tube
Detached and removed

The doctor wore his glove
Reached around somewhere then and took half of our love
I felt it snatched from me
Like when our mother earth looses a tree

Now I've watched the love drift away so distant
My heart is so dark
My body so cut and scarred
I'm not sure if I even miss it
I don't know how or when she lost the rest of it
But I feel its gone
All I know is where it's hiding is far from here
It could be right around the corner
or I could be wrong..........

©Pandora Renea 2010

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Hawk and the Mouse

Surrounded by thorns and branches she couldn’t get around, even with a machete. One was to run through the overgrowth scrapping and pricking her body as if she was using it to read the branches and thorns by brail. Stopping to look at where the path had brought her, she noticed a mouse nibbling on a shell of some kind 2 inches away from her boot. Watching its tiny nose move vigorously while it snacked and every few moments held the parcel tight and glanced around in a paranoid fashion. She leaned closer to touch the miniature creature, so fast and yet so untrusting, but curious as much as she was.

Closer she leaned, arms and fingers outstretched. She leaned till her toes felt the pull all the way up her shin. Right as her fingers inched towards the mouse’s nose the mouse was gone. In a blink of an eye she looked around nervously holding the half chewed nut in her hand, looking for the creature so small. She looked up and that is when she saw it. A huge hawk had swept down faster than the mind’s eye could even comprehend and taken the mouse with him high in the sky. Not as a ride to sore and look for more parcels but to be today’s snack or dinner. Nothing was the same, not even the mouse or the thorns surrounding her. The bushes opened up exposing a cliff, below that cliff was more thorns and dead branches, where someone would never be found if dropped. Just then she heard the hawk soreing above announcing his mouse trophy and just like that he dropped him down into the thorns, not eating him nor savoring him, but sacrificing him.

She closed her eyes and Jumped off the cliff, soreing like the hawk with wind in her hair, sacrificing her body to the thorns like the mouse, she soon would be engulfed in bloody thorns holding her up like a delicate display twisted around her body. The breeze, the smells, the fast rush in her ears, the thoughts and memories rushing through her head, the dreams flashing like a bad movie—then the black, the silence of black.

Short story by Pandora Renea AKA Darah FitzGerald !!!!COPYRIGHT!!!!

Q: What do you take from this story?

Monday, May 10, 2010

People with abusive lifestyles piss me off!

What is with these people who scare the crap out of thier loved ones by being so stubborn and verbally abusive or physically abusive? These assholes keep on acting out with rash crazy behavior and then those loved ones turn timid and walk on eggshells around them. I hate it! Its not my cup of tea.

There is an individual I am highly looking down upon and this blog is about them. I am not stateing any names due to how these things lead to life drama and I don't need that. I got enough as it is! Manipulation is one thing I hate in these abusive people and they all seem to share this trait, some worse then others. This ass can scream and yell and punch holes in his walls and trash thier own home while treating the people around to help calm the issue like walking shit bags and not feel a day of single guilt. If they do apologize its weeks later and its a lame ass sympathy apology and then a "hey can you do this for me because I am so depressed right now?" Then the loved one ends up doing what they need because A) they fell for the lame apology yet again and think they are a changed individual over night B) They are hoping for a change C) they are to scared to say no in the first place due to other days of saying no and getting the guilt trip, there for getting verbally thrashed.

I hate watching this happen and being the one to say No! Don't fall for it! Don't answer your phone or text! Let the grown up GROW UP! You can't change them! They only want you to argue with them! Don't look at the messages and feel bad its not your fault! I just have watched this go on for to long and watched how much these people I care about get hurt every single time. I know they love them but sometimes you just can't do anything else to help them. They are grown adults that have made thier own choices and treat the people they know who care about them like a couple of rugs and that is no way to treat your loved ones. But they will continue if you constantly give in and let them treat you this way. I can't express this lesson enough.

I know this blog is completely a rant and rave. Yes that is exactly what it is because I have yelled about it long enough and needed to type till my fingers bleed.

Let me know if you have any feed back, I'd love to hear other stories and advice for these people I so dearly care about with foot prints on thier backs.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Cursed and Weights on my chest

Gulping for air
You choke me half way there

I open my mouth to breath
But my vocal chords you squeeze

Barely can I scream
Is this haze a dream?

Black and blue eyes
Hands behind my back tied

Blood fills up my lung
Causeing me to bite in half my own tongue

How dare you touch me so harsh
Infront of my son
Piercing his innocent eyes
With what could of been my demise

With evil and fear
The high pitch screams echoing in his ear

How dare you apologize for turning me blue
Did you really think after that I'd still stay with you?

You tore at my body
Like you were digging up dirt
Open wounds and flesh
makeing me hurt

All this in the first five minutes or so
What happened those 3 hours after?
I will never know

My mind filtered out the worst
But my pain is so little compared to how much your life will forever be CURSED!

COPYWRITE: Pandora Renea FitzGerald

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I'm naked and you can see me......

Sitting outside in my fur jacket
No lace panties decorating my rear
Dripping so crude
Feeling erotic
No where near prude

Sexual flavors filter my lungs
Filter my chest
No eyelids at rest
Witches at night
We are at our best

Salty taste between my thighs
Dark and seductive
are my black brown eyes

My last clove
painting circles in the air
My skin once red from lust
now it fades back to fair

His grey eyes
Turned to an ocean of blue
all during a moment inside of me

Pandora Renea **COPYRIGHT**

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pandora's box of poetic flow

There was a girl named Ell
Imaginary and swell

Seemed a sincere friend
Claiming we were sisters till the end

Trusting too quick
as I had before
I was there every time she cried
Fists pounding bloody on my door

Letting the tears drain with friendship chains
Wrapped around my brain
Day by day things escalated to insane

Her cries were of a man
poison dripping from her eyes
She yelled how much of his cock
She despised

Hugs to warm her heart
Songs to cheer her mood
Long talks and I had shown her the uncrude

She spied the man
Whom was happy with me
Imaginary Ell turned slave to Queen Jealousy

Corrupted moments of sorrow
Her tears not of him
Yet now staining me
Wanting all my time
Yearning to be my twisted crime

Adultery Fled through her veins
didn't know it was my neck
she'd love to hold in reins

A dark grave, her teeth like a shark
We smoked cloves in the park
I wanted to fly away or fade to black
become the shadows in the dark

High in the sky
I watched my night bird fly by
I yelled at the shadows
who didn't look back at me
nor even try

I aimed to run
far from this imaginary nun
but to much had begun

So much blood dripped down my thighs
drunken moments, blades in motion
All this only to escape my own cries

Telling me I was a faint dream
First a whisper
Then a scream

Speaking my mind
telling her no-rewind

Black filled her eyes
grasping my kindness
Determined to push me into my

I took my key from her hand
She started to whither and fall from her stand

Fingers outstretched
for me
To hold her hand
Her madness was already too old

Walking away
Never turning back
I heard her heart break
I heard her heart crack

Walking a line of fire Imaginary Ell
It was you I had to retire

Draining my well
as far as you fell
I stood my ground
the roots I hold at bound

My imaginary Ell
It is now you I despise
I cherish the silence
Are you surprised?
Because like air I rise.

Pandora Renea 12/2009 **COPYRIGHT**

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Don't dance with the outspoken......

.....If you can't handle whats spoken!

My advice for people who ask for advice, questions, concerns, or just plain talk in general. I am on of those OUTspoken individuals. I have been a very honest OUTspoken woman since I was able to talk...well I will say I have done some lying yes but childhood years and teenage years (to your parents) doesn't count **Giggle giggle**.

So today I feel the need to write about the people that can't handle anything being said to them unless they agree with it or it benefits them. I have watched this behavior for way to long and vented to my close friends time after time again. Those friends so loyally listened with an open perspective or just was an ear for me to fill, and some vented right on back, which I openly listened and appreciated the fact my friends feel comfortable with me to say whatever they want. I admire that in them. I am that kind of friend, I speak my mind too and my real friends admire that in me as well. We are all human and we all have opinions, to hold them in would be a waste of time.

Then there are the people who don't like to listen nor like an opinion or advice or words at all if it doesn't pertain to their state of living or so called "being on their side." I have realized these are some sad minded people and should really try taking themselves off their thrown and looking at us simple folk with kind eyes and an open heart....but instead they look past us for someone with an open wallet or submissive slave like trait. Your probably reading this and thinking " wow she is really crapping out of her mouth and onto the computer" but that is how I feel when it comes to certain selfish people.

I have a story for you that you may or may not relate to. The names in this story are changed. So if its your name.....don't jump into self assumption and if you may have some guilt to deal with.

Nancy and Beth were having some issues and Carla was in the middle of the fight. Beth won't talk to Nancy for reasons unknown, she also decide to leave Carla alone as well. Carla became very concerned and was curious as to what was going on with her friend, so she asked Nancy. Nancy said " she needs space and sooner or later she will come around." So Carla stayed distant but still let Beth know she was there for her when she was ready to talk or needed a shoulder to melt on. Later down the road Nancy stated Beth was completely ignoring her and she wasn't happy about it one bit. Venting to Carla about how rude it was to be ignored by Beth, Carla said " we just need to give her the space she needs, you said so yourself, don't worry she will come around" Nancy was not looking for this response, she was looking for a least that is what Carla thought. Nancy snapped back stating how much more this hurt her then it could hurt Carla and Carla has no room to talk. Being thrown back by this Carla asked Nancy what did she expect her to say, Nancy said "who's fucking side are you on anyway" Carla didn't need this mess and ended the conversation fast.

Several weeks went by and daily Nancy called requesting info on Beth's whereabouts and assumed she was hanging with this and that person but not Nancy and kept harassing Carla and Carla's outside friends whom knew nothing of what was going on. Any time Nancy needed something she would call Carla and then if she didn't get what she wanted she then switched the subject to vent on about Beth. Carla can't get a word in or help in anyway or share her concerns because the minute she says something Nancy would take it the wrong way and assume the worst and treat Carla with disrespect. To end the story short......Beth is still not speaking to Nancy and nor is Carla......Beth and Carla are now speaking and do not discuss the Nancy situation so that they can move forward in life and go from there.

What are your thoughts on this story? What is Carla's personality type? What is Nancy's? What happens when you only think of yourself and push aside the people you so call care about?

I being one of those OUTspoke gals and open minded am OPEN to your feedback and strongly urge it. I for one am moving forward in life and positivity is my goal.

Something wicked this was comes.....her name is PANDORA RENEA!

Sweet lolly pops and chocolate truffles!
Pandora Renea

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Being in the middle of a cross fire

*** note the picture above courtesy of Mr Tim Burton, is how my inner anger looks like*** good ol' windy Tuesday. Tuesday the day I take my son to swim class, the day a family member shows up to help cheer the lad on while he cautiously bobs his head under water and gets in and out of the pool only because he thinks it will swallow him up, thanks to his last weeks instructor who didn't listen to him when he said he "COULDN'T" swim. You can guess what happened from there, but mommy was there to rescue even with her own fear of water sheltered behind the super mommy hero moment.

To get to the point I am very BLAH at this moment when I talk about the battle between my mom and her mom. These two have not spoke to one another since 1999 I would say....or 2000 but now it is 2010 and you could imagine how hard getting family functions together is now. No one wants to communicate with anyone and others have a set way of how THEY think the holidays should go and won't even budge from the tradition and actually open up to the new members of the current family, married in or not.

So as all this has transpired over the years I have always been the one pulled in the direction of guilt and manipulation in a bland way, whether they think they are doing it or not it still happens and then once I choose which house I will go to for a holiday and bring my son, then the other side of this dispute ends up giving me a guilt trip in their own kind of way and let me just say this " I am not a puppet or an easy girl to manipulate and I will stand my ground with what is the best positive energy to have around my son" so saying that I have started to come up with ideas for those holidays...which I will address later. But for now its the swim family duel and I am here to share the strength of my facts.

1) I will be finding out who is coming to the swim each week as if I have a sign up sheet or something.

2) I then will not let the other know so and so is attending so that I do not have to hear the wrath or venting of the other distressed party...or both.

3) the seating arrangement is the one thing I felt as "being in the middle of the crossfire" so to fix this I will arrange an area where I will sit as I please ALONE watching my son, while to battled family members sit anywhere they please and can look as pissy as they like with out that energy zooming into my direction or my sons.

4) the most important one! No one will get to talk to my son in advance and make FALSE promises that they will be attending his activity and then later bail on him last minute once they find out the war ground has the other opponent glaring and mean mugging at their little green swim visitor post. That's my sons FUN after school activity and that's just what it is supposed to be....FUN not grungy or negative.

So to conclude my bit of a rant, I have to say being involved in a stubborn bull headed egotistical family war is just that...a war and the only way to not get in between it is to focus on the rules you set for yourself as boundaries for you and yours.

Ugggggggg families are to dramatic....I hate soap opera's for this very reason!

Loves and kisses,
Pandora Renea

comments anyone?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Welcome to my planet pandora.

Hello new readers (literally new since I am new on this sight)!

I am Pandora Renea....lets see what can I tell you about myself with out making it one huge novel.OK so I am 27 technically but turn 28 on April 2ND...that's right I am not a fool I was just born after all of them and then have had my foolish moments.
Anyways, moving right along...I am a mother of one handsome and emotional 6yo boy, he is a cancer and if you know astrology you would know this Aries mama has her hands full of sensitivity and emotional roller-coasters. He is the love of my life and the very reason I wake up at the crack of 5am to get ready for work and to get him to school as well. He is dealing with the hardships and wonders of first grade, all the bullies and all the cootie discussion to last a elementary life time.

Then there is my man whom I so dearly love and have been close friends for 16yrs now and the hitch on our relationship that makes it a "blog for a later date" is that I dated his crazy stubborn brother in 1999 (one of my foolish moments in time) and my man doesn't even hold that against me...which is one of a million reasons why I love him and his character.....more to come on that.

I also have two cats names Meesha and Pookie. Quick intro to these two fur bags. Meesha is the cat I rescued from death row and by her mood swings and her playing hard to get tells me she isn't to grateful of me and my bail out skills to get her a nice home. She is a blog in itself....believe me she is one crafty sneaky kitty. I think she visits Satan's lair when she needs a re-up on "badassery." Then there is dear sweet pookie, the princess of power, the cat with a purpose. "what purpose you ask?" Why its the purpose of seeing how spoiled her daddy and mommy (my man and I) will let her get...mainly daddy. She has crazy Lil quirks that she makes sure get fixed with in the minute of NOW. She is a talker too so if you don't give her what she wants then she will yell at you in the cat scream and find ways to run in front of you while you walk so that you so conveniently get tripped by her slick skittzy moves.

So enough of that little family run through. I have wrote all I can write at this time and later I will be back to intro more of myself since I kinda veered away from that in the first place and wrote other shenanigans....Hence the name of Pandora's blogs.

Later to you all.......blogging soon at a near you!!!!